Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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