Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
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