When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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