We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
