Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize