I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
