we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
