Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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