Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
