Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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