yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
