Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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