I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i out mim tonsoeep
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