Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
