a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
