Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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