So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
