I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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