remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
