Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
