ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Are we still banned from the library?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
