The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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