burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
