he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize