I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
