His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
