She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
