A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
