threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize