Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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