Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
