I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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