His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
