I just cut my nipple shaving
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
