I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
