i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
