Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
