In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
