She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize