Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
