Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
