Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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