the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Come share oat with me in your robe
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize