I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
