This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
