no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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