So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
