My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
