Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize