Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
