HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Randomize
