We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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