He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
