Just cropdusted the office
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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