it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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