Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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