i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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