How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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