I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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