It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
