u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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