My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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