please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
