Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
