Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
