I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
