So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
