I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize