I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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