I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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