Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
