We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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