i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
