Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
