dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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