is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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