I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
